she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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