she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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