Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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