I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
