he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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