just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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