No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
