I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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