i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
