Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize