Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
