I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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