well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
