You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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