I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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