Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The Olympian is in my bed
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize