My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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