I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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