I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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