Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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