First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
