I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
