3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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