why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
