So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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