This girl is more easily done than said...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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