Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
