ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
