I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize