Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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