he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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