i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
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I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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