Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
