i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
