I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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