Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
