apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
