did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
