i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
