apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
