worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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