she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
