Duck Duck Cougar?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Vodka?
Forever.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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