I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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