I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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