You just made me feel so damn special
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
