so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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