There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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