the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
