She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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