Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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