Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
