Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
