You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
All the doctor said was why
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