the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i out mim tonsoeep
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