Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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