He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
