someone get that fucking seahorse.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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