I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
