So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
