yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
