the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
