a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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