Betty ford says i'm here all night
from now on my penis is your penis
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
