Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
