the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
