well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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