guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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