My liver just broke up with me...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
