It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
