Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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