In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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