i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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