Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
