He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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