I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
