So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
